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Health & Fitness

Setting a Boundary

3. Setting a Boundary

Suppose one or more kids are following your child in an aggressive way or threatening your child in a situation where she or he cannot just leave, such as blocking the door to the bathroom or classroom. In this case, your child needs to be able to set a clear boundary.

Pretend to follow your child and then very gently poke her or his in the back. Do this very carefully; the purpose is to practice rather than being hurtful or scary.  Coach your child to turn, stand up tall, put his or her hands up in front of the body like a fence, elbows bent to be close to the body, palms out and open, and say “Stop!” Pull back and coach your child to walk away.

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Now pretend to be blocking the door in a classroom or bathroom. Point your finger at the child and yell, “BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!”Coach the child to set boundaries using a calm but clear voice, and polite firm words- not whiney and not aggressive. For example, “STOP! Please get out of my way. I just want to leave. Get out of my way. I just want to go.” Step aside and coach your child to walk away.

Show how to do it and praise your child for trying -even though she or he does not get it right to begin with. Realize that this might be very hard and triggering for your child (and maybe for you too).

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Children need support to learn these skills. The idea is that your child takes charge of his or her space by moving away and, if need be, setting boundaries as soon as a problem is about to start – so that your child doesn’t wait for the problem to become worse.

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