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The Pros and Cons of Snowfall

(Well, mostly “cons,” but you’re not supposed to know that yet.)

Originally this piece was going to be about the blizzard of Dec. 26 exclusively, but as the mountains of white snow from that storm slowly started to turn into puddles of frozen slush, even more snow was dumped on our heads.

Not as much, thankfully, but enough to annoy me.

Every snow fall since Dec. 26 has paled in comparison to the big one, but considering that this is January, and we’re in the middle of winter, it’s very likely that more snow will be on the way. This does not make me very happy.

Rarely am I one to complain about things out of my control – and the weather falls under this category – but I have such strong feelings toward our fluffy white friend that I’m compelled to share my disdain.

On that Sunday, Dec. 26, 2010, Mother Nature, while laughing her head off, dumped nearly 18 inches of her frozen wrath on our fair streets (and cars, and houses, and heads). This, of course, was her version of a practical joke. Many dream of a White Christmas – few dream of a White day-after-Christmas. Who wants to shovel when they could be in the house playing with their new toys? Not me (or the NYC sanitation workers apparently...).

I hate snow -

But in the interest of unbiased reporting, and because I’m aware that some people disagree with my view (you know who you are), I will try to keep my opinions as objective as possible (just go with me on this). So instead of simply going off on how snow sickens me, I will present my somewhat balanced list of Pros and Cons as they Pertain to Snowfall in South-Western Nassau County and the Surrounding Areas.”

Let’s start with the “pros,” since I like to be optimistic.

Pros:

  1. It’s pretty.
  2. Snowmen are cool.
  3. Snowball fights.

You’re welcome. I hope you snow lovers are smiling. Now let’s get real.

Cons:

  1. Snowball fights.
  2. Shoveling makes my arm hurt. And my back. And my other arm. Now, I know what you’re saying – “get a snow blower!” Good idea. See number 3.
  3. Thanks to Mother Nature and her infallible sense of humor, the Dec. 26 snow fall was accompanied by high winds, which created snow dunes. These dunes climbed as high as 3 to 4 feet – too tall for a typical snow blower. Therefore, see number 2.
  4. The crippling fear of waiting for the snow to creep down behind your scarf and into your shirt, eventually making contact with your warm skin and sending you into a frigid frenzy - and knowing that there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
  5. Snow melts, and then refreezes, and then melts, and then refreezes, causing days of black ice and turning my car into a sled.
  6. The tiny, delicate flakes coat every inch of my aforementioned car and get in all of the little crevasses that I can’t reach with the snow brush, forcing me to use my hand. This leads to a) a cold, wet glove, or b) a cold, wet hand. Neither one of those options are particularly pleasant.
  7. Snow plows push the snow to the sides of the roads, making the streets 30% narrower and drivers 120% more high-strung.   
  8. Salt plus pants equals ruined clothes.
  9. Grocery stores are packed by people buying canned goods and bottled water for their fallout shelters. This can occur the day of, or day before, the storm.
  10. Flip-flops are unacceptable footwear.
  11. It’s evil.

Much like the amplifier in the classic film Spinal Tap, this list also goes to 11. But it doesn’t have to.

I invite you to add to the list (or the “pros” if you’re one of those people). I have merely scratched the surface, and as other massive snowfalls are destined to occur before winter’s end, there are bound to be many, many more traits of snow and its preferred delivery method (falling from the sky) that completely irk me but escaped my thoughts while compiling this list.

I look forward to your comments.

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