Politics & Government

Malverne Couple Applauds N.Y. Marriage Equality

Peter Robideau and Kenny Lesser hope future generations take same-sex marriage rights for granted.

When a 20-something-year-old Kenny Lesser, who now lives in Malverne, admitted to his mother that he was gay one day in the 1980s, she rushed to a shrink.

"It was a very different time," Muriel Lesser recalls. "I felt alone."

As she settled down in the doctor's office, he asked her what was wrong.

Find out what's happening in Malverne-Lynbrookwith free, real-time updates from Patch.

"I just found out my son is gay," she told him, mimicking the crying fit those words had brought on at the time.

His response:"That's it?"

Find out what's happening in Malverne-Lynbrookwith free, real-time updates from Patch.

That moment helped to change her whole outlook on her son's sexual orientation.

"When you love your child, you love him no matter what he is," she said.

Still, at the time, gay men and women felt extreme pressure from society to conceal their sexuality.

"You didn't talk about it," said Lesser, who soon found support from P.F.L.A.G. (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), travelling from her home in Kew Gardens to the Metropolitan Church in Manhattan to attend the group's meetings. Her biggest worry then was that her son would be persecuted.

"Discrimination of the workplace and by family," were the top concerns of the gay community at the time, said Kenny, now 50. "Marriage was not on anyone's minds."

Flash forward roughly 30 years to Friday night - June 24, 2011 - when Kenny received a text message from his elated mother. It was just two little words, but contained within them were signs of big progress and much joy. It read: "Bill passed!"

Muriel Lesser said she sent the text soon after she finished clapping and cheering while watching the NY1 report on the New York Senate's passage of the much contentious marriage equality bill, legalizing same-sex marriages in the state.

Friday's news did not have much bearing on Kenny's life plans. He had already married his partner of more than 15 years, Peter Robideau, in a ceremony held in 2009 in Connecticut, where same-sex marriages had already been legalized. (New York had laws on the books recognizing the rights of unions performed out-of-state.)

Before making the drive to Connecticut, they had tried waiting for New York to legalize same-sex marriages, but their hopes were dashed in 2009, when a similiar gay marraige bill failed in the state.

"We were holding our breath the last time it came up, but it was shot down," Robideau said.

"The biggest thing for me was the health care proxy,"  he said of his motivations to legally marry Kenny. "If something happened to me, I'd want him to make the decisions."

He also wanted to ensure that they had inheritance rights after hearing horror stories of unmarried gay couples who got caught up in messy and expensive legal matters after their partner passed away.

Still, while Robideau and Lesser will not be among the gay couples planning New York weddings as a result of the recent bill's passage, its significance is not lost on them.

"New York will effectively double the population in the country [who live in places] where gay marriage is legal," Lesser said. "Hopefully, future generations are going to take this right for granted."

Robideau echoed this sentiment, saying," It shouldn't be the big deal that it is."

They also recognized though that the gay rights movement still has work to do, especially on the federal level, where gay couples are still denied their spouse's social security benefits.

"It's a much bigger monster," Robideau said.

"There's much more profound opposition on the federal level," Lesser added. "I'm not sure if I will see those rights in my lifetime."

The couple contributes regularly to the Human Rights Campaign, an advocacy group that has been lobbying for federal rights and was "the driving force" behind the passage of the New York bill.

"The bill passed this time because people went out and voted in people who were pro marriage equality," Robideau explained. "The votes had a voice."

Still, he admits he found it "refreshing" to see that Gov. Andrew Cuomo delivered on his promise to bring about marriage equality in the state.

"It's an act of acceptance," he added, saying that aside from the legal benefits the bill grants to gay couples it also sends a bigger message to all New Yorkers, all Americans - especially young people.

"Already the next generation is more accepting and open," he said, adding that gay teens and twenty-somethings today face less pressures when coming out than he did. "Fifteen years ago, it was trendy to have gay friends, but now it's mainstream."

And Robideau, who is the current president of the Malverne Civic Association, has made numerous friends since moving to the village, where he says coincidentally other gay couples have also made a home.

"You convince people one at a time," he said.

"We've come a long way," Muriel Lesser stated, while enjoying a sunny Sunday afternoon in the backyard of the home her son shares with Robideau, their dog and two cats. "They're the most solid couple in my family."


Get more local news delivered straight to your inbox. Sign up for free Patch newsletters and alerts.

We’ve removed the ability to reply as we work to make improvements. Learn more here